I have taken to calling Elliott my squishy ball of sweetness... a title I am sure he will grow to resent.  However, at the present moment, I have never had the privilege of playing with baby chubs like his so I am going to kiss them and squeeze them all I want!  Elliott is currently wearing a pair of 6 to 9 month pants to fit over his well-endowed behind and is a very happy little guy most of the time.  The poor little guy had a lot of stomach problems early on and so far I have cut out dairy, eggs, soy, and nuts from my diet and it seems to have helped, but who can know for sure?  It is definitely worth it but hard to find the time to cook everything required to maintain such a diet and still get nutrition for nursing.  I can already see his sweet personality coming through.  He is really getting into batting at toys.  He squeals with delight while he's sitting under his play gym grabbing for monkeys and elephants that are hanging from it!  This is such a fun stage.  Most of the time, the play gym has to be in the pack n' play for Elliott's own protection.  His mommy-wanna-be-big-sister comes around and loves him nearly to death whenever he's on the floor.  Annie wakes up in the morning asking for Elliott and is ever-eager to wake him up, which I strongly discourage.  Strong discouragement doesn't always work out in my favor however, so we start a lot of mornings in time-out.

We really enjoyed watching the Olympics recently, including Elliott (the picture is of he and his Dad watching the diving!).  His father is convinced that he is going to be an athlete because of his toy-and-hair grabbing abilities.  Maybe so!  While watching the women's gymnastics it came up in conversation that Annie would love that kind of thing.  Generally speaking, anytime someone brings up something that could be dangerous and/or involves my sweet little girl in a leotard I quickly deflate the idea and replace it with hopes of braces, glasses, and acne.  Yes, I am well aware of the trouble I am in.  It's just a matter of time!!  While my thoughts race toward finding a way to keep her away from anything and everything that would steal her innocence or her happiness away from her, the same struggle I have had since motherhood began for me comes to mind.  Annie isn't mine.  She belongs to a God who has good plans for her, plans to prosper her and not to harm her.  Plans that lead her to Him.

So I can jump on board with this pretty well when it comes to what sport (if any) Annie chooses.  I can back her career choice and odds are, she'll also choose a husband.  But what really gets me is how in the world God is going to save her from me.  I often feel short-tempered and too exhausted to play.  I feel like I lose it over the small stuff and neglect to notice the big accomplishments she makes.  Sometimes I feel like there isn't enough of me to go around, and other times I wish there was a way to hide "the me" my sweet little children do see!  I often feel like my frustration in other areas of my life pervades that of my time at home with my beloved babies.  My perfectionistic personality whispers in my ear all day long, "You're really messing up.  She's going to remember that when she's 18.  How's she going to learn patience when you lose your mind over something so innocent as her constant chatter?  Pick up an extra shift today, you've already blown it with the kids."  What is true?  The Bible says that even though it may be true that I sinned all day long, God already paid the price for my sins.  The debt has been paid!  AND God gave me a way out.  He gave me his Holy Spirit to help and guide me.  I often forget to do my devotions but when I do make them a priority, I notice right away the difference it makes.  God is not bound by my lack of sleep or my temperament(in fact He hand-picked it!  On PURPOSE no less!).  He isn't held back from His plans when I'm not getting along with my spouse and He doesn't feel any strain when the money is tight.  And God, the creator of all things, certainly isn't going to budge an inch in His plans for my children because I failed to be perfect.  I think it is good to model "I'm sorry, mommy made a mistake" to your kids.  I think it's ok for them to see you fail. I tend, if I am failing at something, to ditch the situation.  I wasn't good at volleyball... didn't make it the whole season.  I didn't play beautifully at piano and my cousin was a rockstar at it (after HOURS AND HOURS of practice) so I quit because I couldn't be as good as she was.  I am not naturally good at math.  So I picked a career where the math requirements were addition and subtraction, and I refuse to do even that when playing cards with my family if asked to be score-keeper.  Motherhood is so much more intense than a card game and marriage is way more difficult than playing a sport I'm not naturally good at, but God has called me to be here now and my heart was made for this.  I love my children with everything I have and am committed to being married and working on being a better wife and what better example to my kids than to see me struggle with my sin-nature in front of them and yield to God time after time?  Easy to type.  NOT so easy to do! 




I am thinking of working on a devotional for mothers--something that is deep but quick and short and focused on this period of time where the children are very small or the mommies are pregnant.  I feel like there aren't a lot of good devotions out there for that stage and I think its because we are all so tired during it we don't care to pass on any wisdom we have attained along the way and afterwards, we forget all of it because it was so intense!  So pray for me to be diligent in working on it and to rely on God for the words, because I certainly DON'T have it all figured out.  Writing it will probably help me more than anyone else to be honest.  I feel so blessed to have these sweet children in my care for this short time...I am praying for God to help me enjoy every second of it!