One Step at a Time

It is official. My little rugrat has done what I have been hoping she would delay for quite some time. In fact, the last blog I wrote was the day before she took her first steps! Annoyingly, she took them while she was holding on to the recliner standing next to Cubbie. She took the steps to reach Cubbie for a big furry hug! I mean, isn't she supposed to take her first steps to reach Mommy and Daddy? It amuses me every time I tell someone what she did, they exclaim happily, "wow! That is early! Good for her!". I'm sorry, but good for whom? As you can see, mobile Annie requires a lot more work! :o) Today I had her in the bathroom with me (I mean, it's tiny! What could she possibly get into when she is within arms reach all the time?) and you can see how that went. On the day she first walked, I had Annie in the living room surrounded by her eight-hundred new toys from Christmas and I (stupidly) thought it was safe to run to the bathroom to grab a hair tie quickly. I came around the corner to see that Annie had started to follow me in but got distracted by the pantry. She was sitting on the floor with an open Cheerios box(she even pulled off the chip-clip!), mouth and fist full of cheerios. Annie had a fun play-date lately. Here, she is meeting her future husband, Sam. Sam is just 6 days older than Annie, but he is in the 90th% for weight and Annie is in the 25th. It was quite the stark contrast! Isn't he hansome? We think they'd make a wonderful pair. Sam's parents and I watched and laughed as Annie and Sam grabbed for each others' hands, stole each others toys, and laughed at one another. We had to intervene, however, when Annie tried to give the stolen toy back. In Sam's eye. Details... we'll work on those skills later.

Speaking of Annie's weight, she dropped from the 50th to the 25th percentile between well-child appointments. Lactation consultants at work reassure me that this is normal, especially considering how, as my friends put it, "intense" she is. My pediatrician was concerned though. We have started to give her avacados with her meals and added in some other proteins like ground turkey and beans. She isn't taking to the new textures very well, but we'll keep working on it! I am beginning to wonder if my milk supply is on its way out... This week I was scheduled 4 twelve hour shifts in 8 days and had to take 4 hours of call in the middle of it. (I only work 24 hrs a week, but they ended up being at the back of one week and the front of the next so this is how it worked out). When I'm at work, I seldom take the time to drink more than a few glasses of water on the run and I might get to pump twice. This presents a huge dilemma when I work this much in one week. I am running low on my frozen milk for the sitter, Annie's weight is down, and I can't seem to be home enough days in a row to build it back up! Annie woke up twice last night and I think it was just because she was hungry. The other problem is that when I work, I don't sleep nearly enough and it is very hard for me to choose to stay up late and get up early to pump knowing full well it will be until the weekend before I get to attempt catching up on a fraction of my lost sleep. I'm not throwing in the towel yet, but I hope I can get this squared away sooner rather than later!

It is a very difficult feeling to reach the point where you can't physically provide your child's nutrients. I thought I'd be pretty happy to make it this far honestly. It is surprising to me, as a person to claims no judgement towards my patients who choose to bottle feed, how much I am judging myself! 9 1/2 months of nursing while going to work (although part-time) is tough. As a nurse, I find it very difficult to ask others to take care of me while I'm supposed to be taking care of others. In my mind, knowing asking for breaks to pump was really for Annie made it much easier, but it is still easy to feel like you are a drag on the unit you're working on. I will continue to take every step I can to ensure Annie gets my milk until she is a year old, but I guess I need to be ok with the fact that if I can't, I can't.

Aside from the pumping, work is getting better and better for me in terms of not missing Annie like crazy the whole time I'm gone. It helps tremendously knowing my babysitter is a family friend and loves her dearly. I still felt a little choked up yesterday on my way to work, but 52 hours in 8 days is a lot of time to be away!

I am looking forward to a haircut and highlights on Friday. I feel like I look washed out and wintery! Michael and I have been comitted to working out and eating better lately and I am starting to feel better about myself there, but I need to get back to doing my hair on a regular basis! How does one take a shower when they have a walker though? She throws a FIT if I confine her in any way (to a jumpy seat, in a playpen, etc) while I am in the shower and her room shares a wall with my shower so when she is napping she often wakes up if I sneak in my shower then. I am half temped to put her in the shower with me! Hmm....

At our last appointment for Annie, she still has an ear infection that we are on round 2 of antibiotics with. She had just gotten over one in one ear when this one started in the other. I am sad to say I think I see tubes in our future... She has one strike left! I am fairly certain she is getting sick mostly from the church nursery (as am I!) but I need to keep in mind that socialization is very important, as is building up her immune system. Sick now, or sick in kindergarten? It's a wash if you ask me. Might as well get it over with! We also had to start her on some special lotion for her eczema. It appears I need to go back to strictly cutting out eggs and milk again. I have found some great recipes for baked goods that don't done use dairy or eggs, including chocolate chip cookies, brownies, and coffee cake. It helps to be watching what you are eating when its necessary to exclude eggs and dairy too since all of my comfort foods have them in the ingredients!

That's all for updates now! More to come...