Blessed

Our little bookworm. Who cares if the book is right-side-up? Or if the story is read line-by-line? Kids know the important part: do exactly what mommy and daddy and grandpa and nana do. Isn't that cute? Cute is definitely the first thought...but if you take a moment and realize what just happened, you would be terrified. Having Annie has been eye-opening for sure. Seeing all of the things you do imitated in a child is cute when you're reading a book, but not so cute when you are losing it with the dog or yelling at the car that cut you off in traffic. The other day, Annie dropped her cheerios on the floor. Cubbie (my other vacuum cleaner) noticed right away and was more than happy to help her clean it up. When Annie realized that Cubbie was eating her cheerios, she started shoo-ing the dog away from her precious cereal, flailing her cute little arms and squealing in some kind of baby language. I can only imagine what she was actually saying; probably something to the tune of, "Mine! Mine! Mine!". See, I love it when Annie copies me reading or hugging her baby doll while patting her on the back. It isn't quite so flattering when she throws a temper tantrum. One might say that humility is having children to copy what we do in private VERY publicly without a second thought.

I have been going to church long before I knew the significance or decided to go by choice and the times when I have a moment to sit and contemplate what just happened and why it struck a nerve have really brought old hymns to mind and resounded loudly with me. I feel like I am 80 years old saying this, but I do feel like a lot of the songs written today lack the depth of those old, slow, sometimes musically boring songs. I feel like we have become SO busy going to meetings and yoga classes and cooking fabulous dinners and entertaining all without missing our favorite 9pm show or our 6am run that we fail to think. I know what I feel, but what does all of this mean?

Anywho, hopefully I don't break a copyright law quoting this old hymn, but the verse, "I will not boast in anything, No gifts, No power, No wisdom. But I will boast in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection." keeps ringing in my ears this week. I want so badly to train Annie to be a sweet, kind, little girl who thinks about others and is slow to get angry and quick to love and forgive and offer grace. I want to just 10-step my way into acting like I am like that myself. That's because I want to be awesome. Then my kids would be awesome. But I don't think that is what the Bible says, contrary to how I act. I think, in fact, that a lot of us who call ourselves Christians are really good at convincing our selves we are QUITE the worthy and amazing specimen. But the Bible says that God is awesome and when I realize that I'm incapable of that kind of awe-inspiring kindness, grace, love without Him, it really reminds me that instead of working so hard to control my child to be like me, I should be putting my energy into being like Him. Truth be told, I am also scared to think that Annie could be like me. I believe that God made me who I am and I'm a work in progress for sure... but what mom doesn't want better for their own kid than what they went through?

This Easter we celebrate what I believe is the closing of a gap between me and God. After I had Annie, I understand more deeply what kind of love would lay down His life to reach out to a child who has been lost. What an amazing blessing my Annie is to me and what an immeasurable gift was given to me on the cross.

On a much less deep note, we have really been moving along with our house! That picture is the latest and the greatest. Every time something new goes in, I think, Oh my goodness! Will that be our house? To have people over in and raise kids in? Occasionally, I will stop by with some goodies for the guys working. I try to make sure they love the Purse family enough to do their best! Then I take a ton of pictures, hoping they also think I know what I am snapping shots of. Maybe I should see this house more as a loan from God... this house I get to use for whatever He wants me to. I am already feeling possessive of it. Michael and I recently had a disagreement about painting the house. I was wrapped up in thinking about paint colors and how we "needed" to paint before we moved in because it would be much easier and how we "had to" get this and that done in a certain order and so on... I was really stressing about it. I haven't gotten a vacation from work since maternity leave and we have friends coming in the weekend we plan to move. Talk about panties in a bunch... He gently reminded me that we are fortunate to have a new house to bring up Annie in and that maybe we should be grateful for what we already have and stop worrying about paying for stuff we don't so much need. I definitely needed that reminder.