Momma's Girl

Annie continues to melt her mommy's heart on a daily basis. She is becoming somewhat of a momma's girl. We have had problems getting her to stop crying with babysitters and she doesn't so much like to meet new people unless I'm holding her. I feel terrible leaving her because I don't want her to be miserable the whole time (or the people who were kind enough to watch her!). I still just can't get enough of her. I wonder if this will ever fade... I just want to rock her in her sleep all night long! If it weren't for the fact that I know her sleep is better in the crib, I think I would just hold her all night.

So I decided enough was enough. I joined weight watchers online and have been trying harder to be consistent in my workouts. I don't want to have Annie grow up around people who don't care about their health and I am not a good example right now! I have always wanted to be thin, but not more than I wanted to eat what I wanted to eat I guess. Having a child who will copy your every move certainly "ups the ante". I am excited to get on track, but nervous about how it will affect my milk supply. I'm only half-way through the nursing so I don't want to mess it up! So, if my milk supply drops dramatically, then I will wait a few months and try again later.

This past weekend, we got to spend some time with my family for my mom's birthday. It was so nice to be around other people who wanted to be around Annie and helped us with her. She is so lucky to get so much love!

It was in looking at the pictures we took
however that reality set in: I need to lose some serious weight! I was glad to get my hair cut recently and am happy to report that one good move in trying to look like a woman again led to more. It is weird to consider a shower, makeup, and hair done before noon an accomplishment, but if you've had a baby, you know it is! I digress... It is such a blessing to have a family on both sides who care so deeply for Annie and for Michael and I both. I think it is probably pretty unusual for both sides of the family to accept spouses they way ours have.

So I was watching Oprah (which I am not altogether impressed with--sorry if you like it!) and she had a celebrity on her show who had recently broken up with her celebrity boyfriend (or husband or something, but I believe he was the father of her child or at least very involved in the child's life). Oprah asked her when she knew it was over with him and her response drew cheers and high-fives, which sickened me. She said, "It just wasn't fun anymore... I have always thought I needed a lover to be in love but now I know that I can be in love with myself!" Wow. Did you just SAY that on tv? What kind of world are we living in where saying that, "it really is all about me" and "I'm living for the fun of it" is so commonplace that it not only doesn't raise an eyebrow, it gets high-fives? I had no idea how difficult (wonderful! but difficult none-the-less) marriage was until I got married. But I did know this going into it: if i walked out on every friend I had ever had conflict with because it stopped being fun, I'd either live in a very shallow world with shallow relationships or I'd have no friends. I knew that I had to reeeeeally work for it (even though I had no idea what that would look like until I got into it). Let's call a spade a spade. If life were always fun, all relationships would be easy. But I think that God allows difficulty in relationships and that they are that way on purpose.
I think the difficulty develops a person in humility, perseverance, and mercy towards others. After all, if you never realized that you were not perfect, you would probably not have sympathy for others when their imperfections surfaced. I am so thankful for a husband who didn't say, "Katie, you're not fun while you're pregnant. Or while you're not sleeping through the night. I'm done." Can you imagine being with someone who loves you that conditionally? I am sure that many of you can because you live in that reality.

I find so much assurance and peace in my times with God in light of the fact that I can't control who is going to work it out with me in my life and who is going to throw me out with the bath-water. We all make mistakes, and it may be that good friends of mine will decide my mistakes aren't worth being around. But I have a God who never leaves or forsakes me. Which is pretty amazing considering He is the only Person who knows every single bad thought, selfish thing I've done, and poor decision I've made. Ok. I'll get off of my soap box (until next time!).