Happy Father's Day

As we round the corner of both Mother's Day and Father's Day, I stop to ponder how different my life was last year and just what it means to be a mother. This time last year, every night was date-night. We had unhindered one-on-one time to figure each other out, have fun, and explore our world together. I could cook whatever I wanted for dinner and shop for expensive, name-brand foods for that special dinner if I wanted. We could spend 50% of our free time training for the next big run we had signed up for. I could do anything that I thought would make me happy.

Time has changed and life has changed a lot! Going on a date might mean a splurge mocha at starbucks while we play cards (yep, that was actually our first post-annie date!) if and only if we find free babysitting (AKA one of our parents comes to town). I would say, if I had to sum up the one thing I gave up most becoming a mom, it would be this: SELFISHNESS. I never knew how selfish I truly was until I got married and saw that, for example, someone else I shared space with did NOT see that my way of doing the dishes (perfectly) was the only way of doing them. And not only that, it was not worth fighting about. Even if I was right. ;o) Then, Annie came a long. And Michael and I saw that we had even more work to do in the selfishness department. Sometimes you have a fever and a headache and just need to sleep for ten hours in a row. However, Annie can't feed herself so sleep comes secondary and no headache lasts forever. But wow, what a pay-off. I wouldn't trade a million nights out to fancy dinners or all the time in the world to keep up my house or endless movies or mini marathons or girls nights out or girls nights in or sleeping in or anything at all that i can possibly think of for my little girl. When I went back to work, I realized how much I really loved her. I loved being with her all the time! I loved that we saw each other sometimes for mid-night feeds and rocking her to sleep and snuggles under my chin. I didn't resent a second of all of our colicky walks around the house for hours or cleaning up reflux spit-up or doing three loads of laundry in a day. I feel so privileged. So happy. So fulfilled. I was made to be a mommy. I was made to be Annie's mommy. Being away from Annie makes my heart sick; as if I had forgotten a part of my own body at home. On the drive home from work, I have never been so tempted to speed out of control and it's all I can do to hold back the tears in anticipation! When I walk in the door after having been gone for 12 or 13 hours, holding her chubby, wobbly body in my arms and seeing her face light up is the best part of my day. Yes, Michael and I have a very different life than we did last year. It is so good.

Thanks to God for such a blessing as being parents. There has never been anything more wonderful, more terrifying, easier yet harder, more challenging, more beautiful, more right than this. Happy Father's Day Michael! Thank you for making me the happiest mother on the planet.