However, now that we are home, we picked up some kind of bug. We just got back from the pediatricians office and they think she has a stomach virus. Annie has been all out of sorts for three days now, which I like to think is her worrying about not having me around all day starting next week ;o) I am waffling back and forth between crying about going back to work without my sweet Annie and feeling like it is doable. Luckily, I have good babysitters and hope to even get a visit from my little sweet pea on my first day back! I just hope I get the time I am legally promised to pump. I am worried I won't have good milk supply after doing two 12's in a row. On that note, Michael and I have decided to drop one of my shifts per week, so now I will be working two 12's. I was getting worried about how we would work out our schedule with the sitter since we both work at the same place and are going to self-scheduling there. It seems like self scheduling would work better, but I believe it will be first-come, first-serve which might be tough if I have only certain days I can work with my sitter on. Two days a week should be ok though, and especially since I have to work every other weekend and Michael will be home then.
All of this has really made me realize how important family is. It was really nice having my parents nearby for an entire week. Knowing that someone who loves her wanted to take care of her was available really made it easier for Michael and I to have some time together and for me to take care of some things I needed to do without feeling guilty for stealing the time away from Annie. So far, motherhood is yet another reminder that I need God every moment of my life to be a good person as well. While I wouldn't trade this wonderful experience for anything, I am tired and stressed and fiercely protective of my little love to the point where I have probably neglected my house, my husband and worst of all, my God! Not spending daily time with the Lord has really become evident in my lack of patience with my poor husband, my dog, paying bills, and anything that doesn't go "as planned" (which, if you have a little baby with colic and reflux, is almost everything!). I need to see my devotional and prayer time as even more necessary than getting enough sleep at night or keeping hydrated. I think it is so easy for me to just take the time I get when Annie is sleeping to clean my house or pay some bills or even just sit down and watch a show on TV, but what I need the most I am ignoring.
I know I will figure out a good balance eventually! Everyone tells me I won't feel like this forever (like I need to be tending to her every waking moment). I don't know about that, but I do know I only have 5 days left to enjoy her before the stress of work returns to my daily life, so I'm off to snuggle and love my little bun!
