Woah I forgot what life was like with a newborn! Elliott, luckily, is a better sleeper than Annie was, but not by a whole lot. Last night I felt like I was on the bus-no, driving the bus- to crazytown. I haven't slept a lot (which is a song I've sung before... oh yes it's all coming back!) in many days in spite of my sweet husband helping as much as a man who is not lactating is able to. I tried for several hours to get Elliott to sleep but by 10:15 I brought him down to my awesome husband as I ran out of ideas to make him happy and was beginning to feel deliriously tired. My loving husband took him, crying and inconsolable, to let me sleep for a good hour. At 11:15 I tried to feed him, but that was not what he wanted. He ate anyway of course, being the good boy that he is, and then threw it up because it was too much. I don't remember what time it was when I hit the wall, but there came a point when we were BOTH crying. Again, my knight in shining armor took him out of the room just as I was trying to reason with my three-week-old, "Elliott! Stop crying! Go to sleep! You can't do this every night!". (Watch me, mom.) And finally I got 3 hours of sleep IN A ROW! YAY! The next thing I remember is Annie waking up. At 7 a.m. AAHHH!
It's funny (or maybe sad) how I never ever remember to call on my God to help me in times like this. And yet, He takes care of me in my disobedient and ungrateful state. I prayed and prayed to have children and was soo happy when I discovered I was expecting for both Annie and Elliott's pregnancies. Then, when God gave me what I so desperately wanted, I was (am)ungrateful and losing my patience. With a baby! I don't want to wish this time away... babies are sooo precious and so impressionable. I want both of my children to enjoy me and I them. I want to look back on this time and remember playing silly games in the living room and snuggling with my sweet baby boy while he coos. I am acutely aware that many many aching women want nothing more than to experience these sleepless nights and temper tantrums with a couple of kids. Every mother of grown children who tears up when they see my precious kids out with me reminds me that they grow up too fast. And then I remember it was only two short years ago that Annie was teeny tiny and unable to so much as roll over without my help.
This morning I woke up and decided I should do something about my attitude because I can't do much about my sleep. I texted my parents and my prayer partner and asked for them to pray for my perspective. I so quickly write God off as unable/unwilling/uninterested in helping me with the big stuff, let alone meeting my day-to-day needs. Moments after this text, my dad called and gave me words of comfort. Then, I received a text from a friend (who I had not shared about my difficulties with recently) asking if she could watch the kids one day next week so I could take a nap. Is God ignoring me? No, He is graciously providing in spite of my attitude. We got our seventh meal last night from a friend in our small group and I have not had to buy a or prepare much at all since having Elliott in the house with us. Today, my neighbor was outside trying to get her toddler to get in the van so she could run some errands. Annie and Lucy are the best of friends and they just wanted to play. I told her to leave Lucy with me so they could play and was able to get laundry done, beds made, and this blog typed all while feeding a newborn! How good He is to me. God help me remember this in five minutes when I lose my mind again!
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