My Treasure

I have a confession to make. I'm not sure how it happened, but somewhere along the line, I got greedy. More than a year ago, a dear and generous friend of mine offered me some of her baby things because she was done having children and I was anxious about how to pay for all of the things a person "needs" when they have a baby. I took and used those things for a good year and now they are in storage, where I planned to keep them until(God willing) I had another one. My sweet hearted friend found another person who was in need of one of the items and called recently to see if I still had it. In my heart, I thought, "No! You gave it to me and I am counting on getting to use it for the next baby! How can you give it and take it back?" I felt very justified in my line of thinking, but not wanting to offend her, I just avoided her until he inevitable day that I knew I had to take it back.

Isn't it crazy how we think sometimes? Avoidance is probably way more offensive to her than just being up front, first of all. But beyond that, who was right here? Well I would have to say my dear friend is. My friend's heart was in the right place. She, having the mindset that her stuff can be a blessing to others, was not attached to her plan for the baby items she used for a while. My friend gave without thinking twice to me and then when it was my turn to be able to give those things that I never earned in the first place back to another, I hesitated. Hesitated might be too weak a word actually. I'd say I dug my feet into the ground and threw a mental hissy-fit.

A group of adults from my church meets every other week to discuss what we believe and how it fits into our lives, or mostly how we struggle with it maybe. The sermon we were discussing was on giving and how our hearts attitude should be oriented around seeing all we have been given for free--grace to cover all of the times I rebel against God's plan being the biggest gift of all--and out of the abundance of what we have been given, giving back freely and openly. My self-protective mind immediately went to trying to think up all of the people I had secretly baked cookies for or taken out for lunch or helped with groceries or sent on a date-night or whatever. I had to dig pretty far back in my mental calendar to come up with anything. That was when I felt what I like to refer to as good old-fashioned conviction. I recalled the resentment I held for this friend who wanted to take back my stuff to give to someone I didn't even know when I was still in need of it. Well in a year maybe.

It hit me then that if I was going to call myself a follower of the God in the Bible, He doesn't follow the world's rules. God doesn't say, "If you earn it Katie, you can keep it! And if you plan ahead, nothing bad will ever happen." I think somewhere in my mind, I could convince myself that it was ok to give up the baby item I wanted so badly to have some security on a future want-list that isn't guaranteed because I didn't earn it. It was just given to me, so I should then give it to someone else. I am not sure where I got this mindset, but it is definitely there, hiding out in the dark corners of my heart. I think the Bible goes even further than this. I think it says that nothing I have is truly mine, but has been given to me out of the love of a living God. That living God can decide that I have some character development needs that would better be carried out without something I got to "borrow" at an earlier point. My friend had it right and I had it all wrong.

Motherhood is a strange place to be. Before, I always had someone or something I felt my heart pulled towards to give to and serve. Right now, my main focus is on raising Annie and still trying to be a good wife. Raising Annie doesn't seem like a sacrifice, it seems like what is natural and right and good. Somehow though, I forgot along the way that I need to be spending time with God on a daily basis in order to be the kind of example I feel mothers were designed to be. I feel like it is a strange oxymoron that the time when we are required to give more of ourselves than any other time in our lives is the time when we become the most inward-focused and selfish. I really do feel a pull towards self-protection or watching out for me a lot of the time, even with my husband. I feel like the Bible says it best: "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:21 My treasure right now is security, but security based in things that will not go with me when I die. I am thankful to have the opportunity to think through this and so thankful for my dear friend who gave once and gave again. By removing something from me, she has given me a perspective on my own heart that I needed to see.

This week Annie has been sick, running a fever up in the 102 range on a couple of occasions. We are also packing up our apartment and trying to move on a weekend when everyone upon everyone who could help us move the heavy stuff is out of town or working. I will pack a box, and turn around to see my little "helper" unpacking it. Last week I packed up the cough syrup. So naturally, Michael got sick, then Annie, then myself. With a cough. ;o) I get stressed about the stupid stuff, but then I am reminded by Annie's antics that really those aren't things worth getting all upset about. Annie recently has occupied a newly-empty cabinet in the kitchen, poking out every so often to play peek-a-boo. Yesterday she wrapped her little arms around my neck, and as I said "I love You Annie!" to her, she babbled back, "I ooo u!" Now that is a heart-melter. Yep, love is what matters. Stuff is just stuff.

Bunnies, Babysitting, and the Big Apple

So much fun… so little time! I feel like a lot has happened since the last blog, which I typed a long time ago and did not read over for publishing until now. Easter was a lot of fun for us this year, but it was also deeply meaningful after having recovered from the postpartum fog that we were in last year and having the joy of raising a little one with all it means! I got to spend some good time at church reflecting on what it means to me. I am so fortunate to have a nursery that can take Annie during the service so I can get some deep thoughts in! It is amazing how quickly after having a baby your brain turns into total mush. I started a journal of my labor and delivery that I recently found. I had written in it a couple days after coming home from the hospital. I was surprised to find that I didn’t remember having written any of it, let alone experiencing it. Unfortunately, I did not finish. And I cannot finish because I don’t remember a lick of it! Probably a blessing. But next time there will be more pictures!

Speaking of next time, (NO I am NOT pregnant) I decided to try out watching two babies at once. I was helping a friend of mine out for a few hours by watching her little one. Annie was initially fascinated with Addy. She walked up to her immediately and starting trying to pick her up and pat her on the back, saying “baby! Baby!”. Then she noticed that she was sitting on my lap. Or should I say her lap. And suddenly, Addy became a serious threat to her! My independent walker suddenly wanted to be held and cuddled and suck on a bottle. Incessantly. I am acutely aware of why gestation is for a full 9 months and we were not intended to have babies 6 months apart from each other. Woo! Had they not taken naps during that period, it would’ve been tough! I must admit, I felt the itch though. That baby was SO cute!

Annie and I stopped in to see the progress on the house at the end of last week and I nearly needed one of Annie’s diapers! I have a kitchen! WOAH! I am looking forward to baking the neighbors cookies with Annie on a stool at the counter helping mommy measure…

On to the apple portion of this blog: NEW YORK! I had the opportunity to FINALLY travel to see my best friend in her element. She lives in Hoboken, NJ so of course we flew. I spent hours figuring out what to pack and buy for this trip, not wanting to be under-prepared for traveling to the city and in the city. Turns out New York has everything. On every corner. Our trip started off on the wrong foot… we had a 6 hour delay in the Indianapolis Airport just waiting to fly there. This was no skin off Annie’s back however. She ran around the place, squealing with delight until everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) gave her the attention and admiration she thought she deserved. She rode on daddy’s back, made some new friends, and even took a nap in her car seat prior to taking off. Thank goodness Indy’s airport was remodeled so well! Michael and I dare say we enjoyed the one-on-one-on-one time as a family without the distractions of home or activity pulling at us. It is amazing how little time I take to truly put myself 100% into the moment.

The plane ride was not as long as I expected, however Annie did not sleep a wink in spite of it being an hour past her bed time when we boarded. Michael and the diaper bag were half a plane away as I was sandwiched between a 50-year-old businessman and the window in a very warm, very full plane. Annie irritated the life out of the poor soul sitting in front of me, kicking the seat, then the tray, then yelling because no one was paying attention to her, then squirming because she wanted to run freely. The plane ride, mercifully, ended however and our bags (ALL of them!) were waiting for us the moment we got off the plane. We caught a cab and got a very nice driver (an older lady who was very sweet!) who dropped us off right in front of Sarah’s place—an old row-house converted into a four-story apartment building. Our VERY gracious hosts gave us their bedroom and had hot New York style pizza waiting for us on arrival!
Michael and I were itching for some city experience so when Annie woke us up a mere 5 ½ hours after we had gone to bed, we got ready and headed out for some authentic bagels! Annie enjoyed hers. After stopping at a park on the Hudson River, we came back and let Annie take a short nap before we going out to Manhattan for the afternoon. The sites and smells were so uniquely New York! Annie took turns in the baby carrier, the stroller, and walking around on the sidewalks of less-busy streets. We split some local cuisine from a local store or a street cart every couple hours and met my cousin Saramoira downtown for some tea and catch-up in a nearly two-hundred-year-old building. Glee was being filmed at NYU while we were walking through! Annie cashed out in the baby carrier for about 45 minutes on our way home, which was really convenient (and much needed!) Annie seemed to LOVE all of the attention she got from complimentary New Yorkers.


That evening, my best friend graciously offered to stay with Annie while Michael and I went out for dinner. We stopped at Carlos’ Bakery (from the Cake Boss!) and got some delicious treats! We were shocked to see how small the shop was (and the line that went halfway around the next block!). We had some delicious Italian cuisine and called it a night. Saturday we headed to the city again after Annie’s nap. Sarah took us to Time Square, stopping along the way to see where she worked and to get some awesome seafood chowder from the SoupMan (also known as the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld). We took Annie into the toy wonderland that is Toys R Us in time square, where we bought her the first musical instrument of what I am sure will be a long line: a pink princess recorder. She pretty quickly fell fast asleep in the middle of Time Square. How, I do not know because that crazy place is wall-to-wall people on a Saturday! So we stopped in at the M&M store, where we picked out a cute onesy and smelled the chocolate. This is where I began to lose it though…if I saw one more person stop in the middle of an already slow-moving crowd to decide which direction to go next or if they should cross the street on the left or straight ahead or if I got stopped by one more person selling cheap t-shirts or a bike ride through central park, I was certain I was going to go insane. We took off from this store to the last one I wanted to see before getting the heck out of Time Square, FAO Schwarz for Annie to pick out a stuffed animal. Luckily, this store was a little more tame. Annie pointed at a small puppy that she petted and hugged and babbled to and never set it down to trade it for the others, so the choice was easy! I think we were all harried from the madness of Time Square, so the stop at Central park was a breath of fresh air! Annie played on the swings and in the park with other little children. After a little R&R, we finished out at a nearby restaurant because we were all famished from the walking and picked up Michael’s one request: a small Junior’s cheesecake for later. When we got back home, we had walked 8 miles while carrying a 20 pound baby and we were beat! Sarah and Jeff ordered in Cuban food for dinner. WOW! Awesome. We were totally bummed to have to leave after feeling like we had just arrived! It was so amazing getting to see my best friend for four straight days and having her show me around her town and her city. How lucky I am to have such a great friend!

We can’t wait to go back another time for more New York! I was delightfully surprised by the niceness of New Yorkers: I never stood on the subway because people gave up their seats for me since I was carrying a baby. The bagel store owner chatted outside the store with us as we ate her sandwich. People stopped us to tell us how beautiful our baby was and giggle at her antics. People gave us directions on the street and shared their kids toys with Annie. I liked walking everywhere… never having to worry about driving in heavy traffic or looking for a parking space. I loved the collision of cultures and skin colors and ages and languages! It was beautiful to see all of that working together to make a well-oiled machine.

I’m not going to lie though, equally beautiful was the front door of my home-sweet-home. I take for granted all of the space we have and the ability to go outside to let my brain rest while I walk nearby to no-one. All in all, I’d say this is one of the funnest vacations Michael and I have had so far!